Desi Underground Gay

My journey with choosing the right Dildo has been a strenuous one. From laughing at tiny yellow colored rocket machines held together with cello-tape in Fort, Mumbai to funny smelling ones in Palika Bazaar, Delhi (rumor in the market was that most dildos were already used!) - I just never could convince myself to buy one. Most of the equipments online would almost always cater to clitoris stimulation. Dildo in the digital Indian market wouldn't imagine the prostate. Sometimes I think I should have ordered a Dildo long time back, beginning of my 20s to be precise, just so I could be good at bottoming! Fucking took me ages to be able to take a dick inside properly!  After repeated unfortunate physical encounters I finally decided to order one online. The Dildo came. I have not named it. LOL of course I have. I am not telling you the name.  I felt it between my fingers and strangely, felt like I was holding a dick for the first time in my life. I didn't feel the heat that g...

Jalandhar. There are days, in this bitchy, awful, lonely, lovely city where I now live, called Delhi when I do miss you. I think, ‘how does it feel to have grown up your entire life in one town?’ To have known all your neighbours. To have grown up with your neighbours. To not have to shift schools. To see the town change and call those changes your own. I do miss how growing up in Jalandhar we never had to worry about space. There were streets which didn’t have running cars, there were parks which didn’t have gates, there were familiar faces who smiled back when I smiled at them. I don’t know when did the many patriarchs who inhabit you became everything that I could ever take from you. I don’t know when did those many patriarchs who live in you, love you, hate you, fuck you, get fucked by you, became…….you.  Jalandhar, 2002 MY patriarch….is a lot like you.  YOU are a lot like my patriarch.  You both are cheaters. You both thrive on pride. You both bea...

Do you ever just get tired of repeating the same patterns in your life fully knowing how stupid and fucked up they are? Ok, I am SURE I am not the first non-hetero to have fallen for straight boys/men. God knows I survived 2 years of my high school by imagining Twilight to be my life. You remember that scene? When Bella is sitting for lunch and she sees Edward for the first time? When he enters? I used to re-live that scene again and again in my head, with Gaga's Starstruck playing in the back. Imagining one of my batch mates as Edward Cullen (lol, don't judge), only to be told, in reality, that I will never be his Bella :( Forever and always 💔 So the thing is that I DID stop wasting my time and efforts on straight boys, particularly post two very idiotic episodes in college. Long story short: I thought I was 'in love' with a boy who obviously didn't reciprocate. He started dating a good friend of mine and stupidly, in jealousy and out of million insecur...

I think it started when I would start setting aside a bit of my monthly salary for a gay spa visit regularly. I wanted to shift from shared rooms, hurried blowjobs and bathing rituals under watchful eyes to familiarity of my own bed (or the convenience of not carrying lube). I met you on one of my spa visits. You could have been any other - I would have been one of many. For the first time, I had actually chosen the guy on phone and asked specifically for him. I didn't plan on having penetrative sex with you. We met, we talked, we liked each other?  I have bottomed for very few. Impulsively, I decided to do it for with you. I think in your life you come across some dicks, which not only fit just perfectly inside you, but make you feel like you could worship them. Suck them till your jaw starts hurting. Make them rest on your face while you gently caress them. Compare notes with them. Have picnics with them. Miss them when they are not around. Make you feel like that there i...

I was getting fucked. Hard. Bareback. His smell was pouring on to my face. His body towering over mine, I felt like my body's center of gravity wanted to leave me and just engulf him. I felt like my mouth was open but my body couldn't articulate how desperately it wanted for every inch to be felt. It felt like his dick would dissolve inside me. The warmth of his dick rose my body's heat. Whenever his dick would hit my prostate, I would simultaneously feel like shitting, peeing, and experience that numbness inside which made me want to just close my eyes, roll them backwards and scream OH FUCKING LORD. I had been told by him couple of times previously that he wanted to slap me. To tie me up and beat the shit out of me. I liked it. Who am I kidding. I fucking loved the idea of it. This time after I came, he asked if he could slap me. I agreed. He slapped me. He started slowly and then his hand hit hard against my cheek. My entire face felt red. Images of teachers slapping m...

I remember I saw you the first time in a Youtube video. Just another celebrity crush I guess. I obsessed about you. I obsessed about going to Tihar and fantasized about meeting you as your lawyer. To see deep into your eyes, feel your (supposed) pain and touch you while quoting obscure penal sections on sedition. I imagined your deep husky voice wrapping me. After that my regular visits to JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University) became……sexual visits to JNU. Random streets for me started acquiring intimacy. Silly administrative block steps became potential PDA spots. One afternoon, I finally saw you. I saw you lying down on a sofa, with your head on your girlfriend’s lap and I recalled countless boys I had fantasized about before and how their girlfriends were always the Komolika to my Kausauti Zindagi Ki. You casually looked up, saw me for one second and continued on with your life. The moment I left the room, I imagined how you would leave the room. You would think who that boy w...

Since past few weeks I have been meaning to write a post about a problem of mine but something else happened and I am writing this now. If you have been kind (and patient) enough to read through this blog (I salute your decision to not throw away your laptop/computer screens), in the previous post I wrote about my first sexual experience with another person. Recently (let's call him) hook and I got in touch on facebook (translation: after stalking him repeatedly over days and sending him a friend request and then devising stupid ways to initiate a conversation with him) and started talking. He said that he has shifted to the same city as me and perhaps we should catch up sometime. Obviously, I said yes. Didn't even wait for him to finish the damn sentence before typing in YAAAS BITCH YAAAAAAASS.  Now, the last time I saw him was when I was in 9th grade. It has been 9 years since then. I think it wouldn't be honest of me to tell you, dear reader, that I handle my desi...